Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
