wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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