did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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