You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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