I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
