I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
