Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
