just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
