that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
