When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
