Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
