So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
