I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
