My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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