I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
