so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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