i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize