I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
