Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
