I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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