Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
please come you make the beer taste better
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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