He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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