if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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