your parents love me but you hate me
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sext me about skeletons
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
