Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
