I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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