Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
