I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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