I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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