Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
