she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
