I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
