I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
