You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
