if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
