You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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