you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
