Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
