when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How naked do you want me to be?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
