I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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