He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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