so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
