I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
