she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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