So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
