i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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