My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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