I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
