Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
