I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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