Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
