Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
