I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
