Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
