i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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