if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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