I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
