im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
