Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
