i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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