I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
