if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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