You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
