I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
