I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
