what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize