I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
