The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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