just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
