Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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