12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
